Christmas When You Can't be There

When you can’t be with your grandchildren at Christmas, thoughtful planning and simple shared moments can help you feel part of their day, even from the other side of the world.

LONG DISTANCE GRANDPARENTING

10/9/20264 min read

Grandparents video calling family on Christmas morning using a tablet near a decorated tree.

If your grandchildren live far away, Christmas morning can feel like watching the best part of the year through a window. You can't be in the room, but you can still be in the day. Here's how to plan a Christmas that feels shared, even from the other side of the world.

Start With the Feeling

Before we get to the ideas, let's be honest: it can really hurt. You might be looking at photos of a Christmas tree you're not standing next to, listening to squeals through a phone speaker, and smiling while your heart aches a little. That's completely normal, and it doesn't mean you're ungrateful.

Give yourself a moment to feel it, then decide what you can do. Grandchildren remember how Christmas felt, not whether you were physically at the table. A warm, relaxed call and a parcel with your handwriting inside will mean far more than a worn-out grandparent trying to do everything perfectly.

Before the Day: Make a Plan Together

The secret to a good long-distance Christmas is a little planning, done early and with the parents.

Ask, don't assume. Christmas morning is often chaos at their house. Ask whether they'd like a call before presents, after, or later in the day, and what suits the children's routine.
Think short and sweet. Two or three shorter chats usually work better than one long one: a quick hello over breakfast, a longer catch-up later when everyone is calmer.
Decide who opens what. If a parcel from you is on its way, ask the parents to save it to open on the call so you can see their faces. Or let the children open it on camera and show you everything.
Test the tech. Same app on both sides, devices charged, wifi working. Have a back-up (a plain phone call) in case the video drops out.
Mind the time zones. Work out what time it will be for each of you, and choose the moment when the children are most awake and happy, not overtired or hungry.
Hold it lightly. If the call runs late, gets cut short, or a toddler wanders off with a new toy, that's okay. A short, happy call is a good call.

On the Day: Ideas That Make It Feel Shared

The trick is to do something together rather than just talk. Here are some ideas that work for different ages.

Open a present together. Let them unwrap your gift on camera while you watch. Better still, have a small matching gift so you open yours at the same time.
Share a Christmas treat. Everyone has the same biscuit, hot chocolate or mince pie while you chat. It's a small thing that feels surprisingly close.
Cook or bake in two kitchens. Pick something simple and make it together over video. Gingerbread ornaments or a hot chocolate bar from my Grandma's Christmas collection are perfect for this.
Match up. Santa hats, Christmas pyjamas, silly jumpers or t shirt. Matching makes you feel like you're on the same team.
Sing a carol or two. Pick songs everyone knows, and let the kids hold up lyrics or jingle bells.
Read a story together. Pick a Christmas favourite and read a page each. I've written a whole post on this one.
Give them a tour of your Christmas. Show them your tree, the table, the pets, and where their present came from. Ask them to give you a tour of theirs.
Leave a window open. If the parents are happy with it, prop a tablet in a corner so you can drop in and out through the day rather than at one set time.
Record a message in advance. A video of you reading a letter, singing or telling a Christmas memory can be played first thing in the morning, before you've even woken up.

Keeping Little Ones Engaged on Video

Young children aren't great at sitting still and talking to a screen, and that's perfectly fine. A few things help:

Keep it short. Ten to fifteen minutes is often plenty for toddlers and preschoolers.
Give them something to do. Peek-a-boo, a puppet, a teddy bear tea party, or a game of I Spy with Christmas things.
Let them wander. If they wander off to play, they'll often come back with something to show you. Chat to the parents in the meantime.
Show and tell. Ask them to bring their favourite new toy to the screen and tell you all about it.
For babies, try songs, funny faces and slow, gentle voices, and time the call around naps.
For teens, keep it light and brief. Ask about the gift they liked best rather than a long catch-up. A short and happy call beats a long awkward one.

Kim's Tips ♥

♥ Plan early with the parents, and ask what suits them.
♥ Two short calls beat one long one.
♥ Do something together: open a gift, bake, sing, share a treat.
♥ Have a back-up plan for when the technology misbehaves.
♥ Send a pre-recorded message for the grandchildren to wake up to.
♥ Be kind to yourself afterwards. It's okay to feel a little flat once the call ends.

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This post is part of my Long Distance Grandparenting series.

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With love, Kim xx

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